We Didn’t Exactly Plan Any of This: The Story Behind Suds & Buds

We got home last Monday after two weeks on the road.

We went for SoapCon. We came home with new things to try, time with friends and family, and a whole lot to think about.

Near the end of the trip, we splurged on a hotel with an indoor pool and a hot tub. After all the driving, road snacks, hotel check-ins, and digging through bags, Kaylee was thrilled.

I watched her and Brian in the water and thought about everything it had taken to get here.

To this family. To having a daughter who is about to turn thirteen. To taking two weeks together and driving across the country for a soap conference because making things for my family somehow turned into a business.

We didn’t exactly plan any of this.

Before the soap, there was the journey to motherhood

My road to motherhood included infertility, surrogacy, and ultimately adoption.

Those words fit neatly into a sentence. Living them was something else entirely.

And part of that story is Kayden, my son, who was stillborn at 28 weeks.

I don’t believe losing him happened for a reason. I don’t need to turn his death into an inspirational explanation for everything that came afterward. I love him. I miss him. He is part of our family.

But losing him changed me.

It changed how I looked at the future, what I paid attention to, and how much I wanted to understand the choices I could make when so much felt beyond my control.

After we lost Kayden, I started looking more closely at what I was putting in and on my own body.

What was in this? Why was it there? What did it actually do? Was there another option I’d feel better about using?

I wanted answers I could understand.

That questioning eventually became part of how I cared for my daughter, too.

I hadn’t worked that hard to become a mom just to stop asking questions once she got here.

I started making things for the family I’d worked so hard to have

When Kaylee came into my life, I wanted to pay attention to what we were using on her skin.

I wanted to understand the ingredients and make thoughtful choices for her, just as I’d started doing for myself.

Eventually, reading and researching turned into making.

Soap was where it started.

There’s something satisfying about learning how ingredients work together and making something your family can actually use. Something ordinary enough to sit beside the sink, but personal enough that you know why you made it.

Then came more learning, experimenting, and products.

And supplies. So many supplies.

Apparently, “I’ll just make a few things for us” can turn into an alarming amount of stuff that needs its own shelves.

Somewhere along the way, that became Suds & Buds Apothecary.

The questions that started it still matter to me: What’s in it? Why did I choose it? What should someone expect when they use it?

What those questions look like in a jar

Our Vanilla Luxe Whipped Tallow Balm is one example.

It’s a rich balm made with tallow rendered from grass-fed, grass-finished beef suet, vanilla bean–infused jojoba oil, argan oil, sweet almond oil, castor oil, beeswax, vitamin E, and almond extract.

I like being able to explain what those ingredients are doing together.

The tallow gives the balm its richness and helps dry-feeling skin feel softer and more comfortably moisturized.

The vanilla bean–infused jojoba oil adds glide and a conditioned skin feel. Real vanilla beans are part of that infusion—a detail I love about this formula.

Argan and sweet almond oils help soften the skin and make the balm easier to spread. Castor oil contributes to its substantial, cushioned feel.

Beeswax gives it structure and helps the moisturizing layer stay on the skin. Vitamin E, listed as tocopherol, helps slow oxidation of the oils.

The formula also includes almond extract. Sweet almond oil and almond extract are both disclosed so you can take your own ingredient preferences and sensitivities into account.

Together, those ingredients create a little everyday luxury for hardworking hands, cuticles, elbows, knees, and heels.

Start with a tiny amount and massage it into the area that needs some attention. You can always add more.

It’s simple enough to keep beside the sink or on your nightstand. No elaborate routine required.

Why choose ours over something from a big company?

When you choose Vanilla Luxe, you’re choosing a specific tallow source, real vanilla bean–infused jojoba, a blend of botanical oils, and the work involved in making a small-batch balm.

You’re also buying from the person doing the making.

You can ask me what’s in it and why I chose it. Those questions are welcome here because they’re the same kind of questions that got me started.

That’s what I want the value to reflect: the ingredients, the craftsmanship, and a product you enjoy reaching for.

A lightweight lotion and a rich balm offer different experiences. If you want a substantial moisturizer for dry-feeling areas and appreciate knowing the maker and the ingredients, Vanilla Luxe gives you a clear reason to choose it.

That’s how I approach our handmade soap and skincare: thoughtful choices, explained honestly.

And yes, real life still happens

I care about ingredients.

I also live in a household with homeschooling, animals, work, and the daily question of what the hell we’re having for dinner.

We make our own soap. We occasionally eat from a drive-through.

We use essential oils where they make sense and carefully selected fragrance oils when we want a particular scent.

I can care deeply about what I’m making without pretending every other part of my life is perfectly organized.

That’s the heart of #HolisticWithAnAsterisk.

The asterisk belongs to real life. The products still deserve care, accurate ingredient information, and honest descriptions.

You don’t have to overhaul your entire bathroom or earn some kind of crunchy-living certification before you’re welcome here.

Start with something you use often. Find out what matters to you. Make a choice that fits your life.

This trip brought the story back around

SoapCon was the reason we headed east from Oregon.

We spent time in Tennessee and Kentucky, learned, made things, visited friends, and took the long way home through New Orleans and El Paso.

El Paso is where Kaylee was born. We spent time with her birth mom and younger siblings.

I’m grateful she has opportunities to know the people she comes from. I also have feelings of my own about that journey. Gratitude and complicated feelings can exist together.

I’m Kaylee’s mom. Her birth mom is part of her story, too.

Supporting those relationships is part of loving my daughter, even when I’m still sorting through pieces of my own experience.

And then there’s October.

October is Kaylee’s birth month. She’s turning thirteen, which still feels a little rude considering I’m fairly sure she was tiny about five minutes ago.

October is also Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month.

We celebrate our daughter and remember our son. Both belong in our family’s story.

This year, we’re moving toward placing a marker at Kayden’s grave. It matters to have a permanent place that says he was here, he is loved, and he is remembered.

There isn’t a tidy way to wrap all of that up.

Some parts of our life are joyful. Some still hurt. We carry them together.

Making products became a way to care for other people, too

Suds & Buds began with choices I was making for my family. Over time, it became a way for other people to show care for theirs.

A friend having a hard week. A teacher who deserves a thank-you. Someone who is always taking care of everybody else.

Sometimes you want to send something useful and beautiful because you’ve been thinking about them.

That’s why thoughtful gifting belongs here.

Such a small sentence. Such a good reason to send something.

I love that something made at my workbench can become part of that moment for someone else.

After everything it took to build this family, I want to enjoy it

Running a business can take every available hour if you let it.

So can homeschooling, animals, responsibilities, and all the things we tell ourselves need to happen before we can take a break.

There is always something else to do.

But after everything it took to become a mom, I don’t want to keep postponing time with my daughter until life gets less busy.

So we’re trying to go anyway.

Take the trip. Find the waterfall. Fix up the old trailer. Spend time with friends. Make room for the things we’ll remember.

That’s what we share through Sunshine & Wild Roots: the family life around the workbench, with all its beauty and questionable planning.

We don’t measure a good adventure by how far we went. We measure it by whether we came home with a story.

And now that we’re home, I keep thinking about that hotel pool.

Kaylee was happy. Brian was playing with her. We’d spent two weeks learning, visiting, exploring, and being together.

I’m glad we made time for it.

That’s the life behind Suds & Buds—the family I worked so hard to have, the son we’ll always remember, and the everyday choices that grew into something I get to share with you.

If you’d like to explore what those years of questions and making have become, you can browse our handmade soap and skincare.